Tiffany's Table Manners for Teenagers

Today, we travel back Even Further in time, to the magical year of 1961 - the year my current apartment was built, exactly 10 years before I was born. And as a further departure, there is no actual recipe for today. We are still dealing with food here, though, which we can learn to enjoy as ladies and gentlemen, by consulting this adorable guide.

This book was given to me by my aunt when I turned 13, and I remember loving it, and trying to remember all the details about the fish fork and meat knife – not entirely relevant, since my mom and I were vegetarians! But I knew that This Glorious Little Book would somehow, if I learned the rules, transform me into the fabulous teenager I longed to be. Little did I know that by the time I became a teenager, in the 80s, very few of the rules set forth by Walter Hoving, and delightfully illustrated by Joe Eula, were even still in use. I like to think that I was “retro” before there was such a thing. Before my time, you were either called “born-too-late” or a History Buff. Or just plain “weird” – I got that a lot.

So it is with glee that I am turning a new generation on to the delights of proper table etiquette – I have been reading this to my 5-year-old daughter as bedtime reading, and she LOVES it! Mostly she giggles at the “don’ts”, but perhaps some of the “dos” will sink in as well. At the very least, she will know not to “leap at her food like an Irish wolfhound.”

Steamed Artichokes

Steamed artichokes are one of my favorite foods, and I am proud to say that my daughter loves them too. It always cracks me up when other kids come over for dinner, if we are having them, and have never seen them before and don’t know what to do with them. OK, is this weird? I love them so much, I even taught my dachshund to eat them! And I kid you not, he would carefully close his mouth around the leaf and bite down, as gentle as you please, while I pulled the leaf out – and he actually got the meat each time! Nobody believes me, but really, I did!

Now my 5-year old loves them as much as I do (I think), only she refuses to have mayonnaise or melted butter to dip them into - she likes them Absolutely Plain…Which brings me to a related topic, something I am NOT actually serving in my home, but something that WAS served to my mother and her sister, growing up in California with parents who were Light Years ahead of their time, at least in terms of Health Trends: the Mono Meal.

Most people have never heard of the Mono Meal, in fact there is not even a listing in Wikipedia for it, though you can search related topics such as frutarianism and raw foodism. But even when I was little, a trip to my grandparents’ frequently consisted of at least one Mono Meal. Very simply, it means that for each meal, you consume only ONE food, always a fruit or vegetable. For example, for lunch we are having oranges! As many as you can eat, but ONLY ORANGES. And for dinner, for example, we might be having artichokes – what, hungry, you say? Great, you can have AS MANY AS YOU LIKE. 3? 6? Even 10! BUT NOTHING ELSE.

In my grandmother’s honor, I even use her steamer to cook my artichokes. I recently got a cool little insert for steaming them, but it only does one at a time, and I am so used to cramming up to 3 in the little fold-out/expanding-petal steamer inside the tall pot I have been using for years, that I just kept the new one in the box. (And when I say “new” of course I mean from Thrift Town for 1.99, originally from 1980 - which is Really Pushing the vintage envelope for me!)

Steamed Artichokes

• wash artichokes
• trim pointy tips of leaves with scissors
• slice off entire top about ¼ inch from top
• set in steaming basket over 1 cup or so of water
• steam on high for 30 min, then check every 5 min
• done when leaves pull off easily but do not fall off (total between 30 – 60 min)
• carefully bite off just the meat at the wide end of each leaf – after dipping in melted butter, mayonnaise or sauce of your choice
• to eat the heart, remove all pointy bits (the choke) with knife or spoon, then cut up and dip into mayonnaise or melted butter. DIVINE!

Tequila Salad (?!?)

Sometimes the strangest things turn out to be real winners.

I recently acquired a complete set of 1975 Betty Crocker recipe cards, in a lovely avocado-green plastic box (the whole of which weighs a ton, and I should know because I have already dropped it on my toe!), and was looking for something actually edible, yet distinctly 70s, to bring to a pot luck last summer. Lo and Behold, in the “Flavors of the World” section, there was the comedic-sounding Tequila Salad.

Well, I thought to myself, this sounds so weird I just HAVE to make it! And, it turns out, it is nothing more than various citrus, avocado and canned pineapple cut up into a salad, and dressed with a margarita, to which salad oil has been added. Strange? Yes, but, surprisingly, WONDERFUL! And to my great amusement, before I revealed the Secret Ingredient, people kept saying: “Wow this tastes great, what is in this dressing? I don’t normally even LIKE salad…”

“Hah!” I said, “TEQUILA!” No WONDER you’re all so cheerful. Works every time!

This past weekend I made this dish for a friend’s birthday, and the salad was eaten up faster than the scrumptious Red Velvet cupcakes that another friend brought. Which reminds me, Red Velvet cupcakes are the ONLY variety of cupcake worth eating, and when made by this particular Southern Gentleman (who is an amazing baker), I declare they are worth more than gold! He and I had fun giggling over the fact that there was booze in the salad dressing, and over our shared love of the Great Ms. Paula Deen - not only her cooking (Butter! Bacon!) but also of her style (false eyelashes! Big Hair!).

The card reads: “a salad created from the flavors of the popular Mexican drink, the Margarita” copyright 1975 General Mills – Betty Crocker’s Step-by-Step recipes


Tequila Salad:

1 can (15 ¼ oz) slice pineapple, drained (reserve ¼ cup syrup)
¼ cup lime juice
2 Tbsp powdered sugar
2 Tbsp tequila
2 Tbsp vegetable oil
¼ tsp salt
3 medium avocados
Lime juice
2 large grapefruit
2 large oranges
Salad greens
Chopped walnuts
Salt

• Shake reserved pineapple syrup, ¼ cup lime juice, the sugar, tequila, oil and ¼ tsp salt in tightly covered container. Refrigerate at least 1 hour.
• Cut avocados lengthwise in half; remove pits. Peel avocados; cut into ½-inch lieces. Sprinkle pieces with lime juice.
• Cut pineapple slices in half.
• Pare and section grapefruit and oranges; cut sections in half if desired.
• Just before serving, toss avocado pieces with pineapple and grapefruit and orange sections; place on salad greens.
• Sprinkle walnuts and salt over salad. Serve with dressing. (8 servings)

Ginger Spice Buttons

Oh my goodness, I love cookies. DO I LOVE COOKIES! In fact, just the other day I (ahem) over did it on Thin Mints, courtesy of some charming 8 year-old Girl Scouts. Well OK it wasn’t THEIR fault I ate very nearly the entire box the same day they were delivered to me at work... and they were good, too, they are good every year. But I have to admit, home-made cookies are still better, and I make and consume them as often as possible. In fact I have so many “favorite” cookie recipes that I was hesitant to try this one, thinking of all the similar cookies I already make. However, trusting in Food and Wine magazine, (or perhaps it was one of the last issues of [sniff] Gourmet Magazine), I found a new love! So I am now forced to admit that, though I am a sucker for vintage, I do in fact read the new food publications, and – I EVEN COOK THEIR RECIPES. OK there, I said it, it’s out in the open and we can now move on.

Ginger Spice Buttons. I almost passed this one up. YEP, folks, I ALMOST PASSED THIS ONE UP! I’ll never know what it was that made me rip this page out that fateful day, but I am glad I did. Even though the toasting of the almonds and subsequent pulverization via food processor looked a tad over-zealous, somehow I decided the old Cuisinart needed some attention – or it could be that it was almost Valentines Day and I wanted to express my undying love with sugar. And although the butter had to be softened (not melted = quicker) and the dough would have to chill for one hour (all this means quite some time from start to finish), my love for spice *anything* made me slap that apron on and try them and WOW, I suggest you do the same!


GINGER SPICE BUTTONS:

1 cup unsalted butter, softened
½ cup light brown sugar
2 Tbsp molasses
1 tsp vanilla extract
¼ tsp salt
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 ½ cups lightly toasted blanched almonds, finely ground
1 Tbsp cornstarch
1 tsp cinnamon
2 tsp ground ginger
¼ tsp allspice
Large crystal sugar

1. in a bowl, beat together butter and sugar until smooth, scraping inside of bowl. Beat in molasses, vanilla and salt, then stir in flour, almonds, cornstarch, cinnamon, ginger and allspice. Wrap and chill dough for 1 hour.
2. Heat oven to 350 degrees F. Roll dough into 1 inch balls, roll in crystal sugar and place on baking sheets. Bake until bottoms are lightly browned, about 8 min. Cool on pans 3 min. Transfer to wire racks and cool completely. Store airtight up to 5 days. Makes 5 dozen.

Crock Pot Refried Bean Dip

Yes, I love my crock pot! And so I was delighted to find this 1975 Best-seller: Crockery Cookery by Mable Hoffman. See her pictured above with two of her (one can only assume) MANY crock pots! I hope that someday I can be as cool as Mable. And I might be, because later that VERY DAY, I received in the mail a valentines gift from a dear pal: a new, yet similar, cookbook, entitled “Not your Mother’s Slow Cooker Cookbook”. (I gather the more PC term is Slow Cooker – wouldn’t want to offend anyone – or any electrical appliances - now would I?)

I will certainly be trying many of the recipes in the new book – they call for Fresh Produce and Cuts of Meat I have Actually Heard of! Still, I have The Weakness for the Vintage, so I began with a simple recipe from Mabel.

Having missed out on a Superbowl party this year because of travel, I was still craving dip, and was reminded of the time when a friend from the UK asked me what Americans do at Superbowl patries and I gleefully explained to her that, why, we eat DIP! Then I had to tell her what that is. Ah, the English – I love that we are mutually foreign. Anyhow, the bean dip was great with restaurant-style tortilla chips, but would have been tasty with Fritos as well, I think. It tasted remarkably familiar to some of us, and we later identified the mysterious flavor: Taco Bell Bean Burrito!

The thing with the crock pot is that, despite Mable and others assuring us that nearly ANYTHING can be made in them, I have found that some things work better than others. Luckily, refried bean dip is one that works quite well! And again, is sooooo easy to make that you feel like you aren’t ACTUALLY cooking. Because, haha, you’re not! You’re just tossing a few things into a glorified bucket and walking away for several hours.

REFRIED BEAN DIP

1 (20 oz) can refried beans
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
½ cup chopped green onions
¼ tsp. salt
2 tsp. bottled taco sauce (I used hot sauce)
Tortilla chips

In slow-cooking pot, combine beans with cheese, onions, salt, and taco sauce. Cover and cook on low for 2 to 2 ½ hours. Serve hot from the pot. Dip tortilla chips into mixture.

* OK I didn’t serve it from the pot because my crock pot is the HUGE one, and this was a LITTLE amount of dip and it would have looked SILLY! Also I did add a cilantro garnish. I mean, I was taking this to a party, after all!

Oatmeal Muffins

The recipe comes from the cookbook that we worked with in my first cooking class, in 1979: “Recipes for Young Cooks” by Carole Fitzgerald. Honestly, I have made this recipe so many times since then that I know by it heart, and I also know by heart that it is on page 42 of the book I saved all this time. I think it is the only thing I still make from that book, but once you taste them, you will see why I am still making them on a regular basis! Not too sweet, just the right weight; they are heavenly. Kids tend to like them, and are also able to make them from the simple recipe, which is drawn out as a pictogram rather than as a traditional recipe. My daughter, who is 5, can do almost every step (with supervision of course!) and they come out perfectly. Better, I must add, than the one time I made them using peanut oil when my mom was out of vegetable oil and I didn’t yet know the difference and could not figure out why they tasted “off”… (OK I can only have been about 8 at the time, and I do consider baking a much better hobby for latch-key kids than mere TV watching.)

I usually make this (since I am nearly a middle-aged adult!) with half whole-wheat flour and half white, but being out of whole-wheat today, I made it strictly according to the recipe. And what a can’t-fail treat! I have no idea how many times I have passed this recipe on to friends, and am delighted to do so here as well. Whip up a batch today (really, it is quick and doesn’t even require a mixer) and enjoy the brown sugar-laced, high fiber goodness of these muffins that I have enjoyed steadily for 30 years.

OATMEAL MUFFINS:

1 cup oatmeal
1 cup milk
1 cup flour
1 ½ tsp baking powder
½ tsp baking soda
½ tsp salt
½ cup oil
1 egg
½ cup brown sugar

• mix the oatmeal and milk in a big bowl, let soak
• sift the dry ingredients together in a smaller bowl
• add egg, oil and brown sugar to the oatmeal mix
• add the flour mix to the oatmeal mix; stir. Batter will be lumpy
• grease cupcake tray or use paper fillers; fill each ½ way with batter
• bake at 350 degrees for 25 min
• cool and serve warm

Harvey Wallbanger Cake

I must say, it feels funny to pour vodka into cake mix, but the result is something else!

I had been wanting to make this cake since the time a few years back when I had it at a Christmas pot luck and everyone there was exclaiming about it being THE 70s cake. Since I am now on my “70s kick” I just, well, had to! Plus, it was delicious, and, I was told, easy.

The problem is, I really like to work from vintage cook books and photos but, for the life of me, I could not find this recipe in print anywhere! None of my own recipe books, nor any of my boyfriend’s (but he DID have a Galliano pamphlet with drink recipes and an offer to buy a Party Kit with T shirts for just $2.00!) had the recipe, so I cheated and printed out the recipe from an online site about the history of different cocktails. (www.beercocktailsspirits.suite101.com) For this and so many other reasons, do I love the Internet.

From the (oracle) Internet, I enjoyed learning about Harvey, the surfer who drank too many Galiano screw-drivers and walked into the wall, thus the creation of the drink’s name. I admit, I giggled the whole time I mixed up the cake, which is almost cheating in itself, as it is merely a doctored mix with pudding and booze! Never mind, the batter alone was heavenly, and a lovely yellow-orange sunset color as well. I wondered whether I was getting drunk licking the spoon!

And easy cake, done in a bundt pan with the easiest of all toppings, a glaze (made with powdered sugar and more of the Harvey Wallbanger drink) that you dump over it and no matter how sloppy, it manages to look perfect.

This was made as a surprise cake for a friend’s birthday for a small group of about 12, and wow was it a hit! There was but one tiny sliver left at the end of the night, and my boyfriend and I fought over even that! AND everyone at the party requested the recipe.

AND so I say: LONG LIVE THE 70s!!!

Harvey Wallbanger Cake:

• 1 box yellow cake mix
• 1 small box instant vanilla pudding
• ½ cup oil
• 4 eggs
• ¼ cup vodka
• ¼ cup Galliano
• ¾ cup orange juice

Mix cake mix, pudding, oil, eggs, vodka, Galliano and orange juice, and beat for 4 minutes. Pour batter into a greased and floured tube (bundt) pan. Bake at 350 for 45 min, or until the cake tests as done.

Serve dusted with powdered sugar, or use a glaze made of 1 cup powdered sugar, 1 tablespoon orange juice, 1 tablespoon vodka, and 1 tablespoon Galliano.